Receiving Me? » Bernard Bygott

AVATAR in FULL 1D!!!!

Bernard Bygott — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:56:19 +0000

We humbly invite you to experience… ultimateD…

You’ve seen Avatar more than anyone else. You’ve seen it in mega-super-maxa-max while tucked inside your fully insulated super-maxa-mega-super suit!!! You’ve seen it in 3D. You’ve seen it in 2D. You are the true authority on James Cameron’s mega-master work. But wait…. You’ve missed something…. You haven’t seen it in shiny… sparkly… 1D! Oh no! And at the risk of looking like a dimensional snob, you best be gettin’ to it, son!!! Plus, you know that guy in the blue body paint over there is gonna do it, and he is SO not worthy!!! This is your moment to shine *insert Celine Dion-esque power-ballad here*… ’cause… after this… YOU’RE THE KING OF THE “D”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AVATAR in FULL 1D!!!!

On A New Year’s State of Mind

Bernard Bygott — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 20:07:51 +0000

Scribble scrabble goes the thought,
Sitting in a tumor of deleterious grief.
The trouble is money,
The trouble is power,
The trouble is punny,
But the rhyme scheme sucks.
It really sucks.
Seriously.

Take that—that’s a snowball to the solar plexus!
“Who can make me happy?”
“I dare ya”.
“Nope.”
“Fail.”
“Epic Fail.”
“lol”
“Not heady enough.”
“Not sexy enough.”
I’m certain that everything I’ve ever said is never enough!

Okay….
There’s a type of hollowness in my eye that shrinks from the conflict of a perfect ice-cream sundae.
Who can name all the countries in Africa?
I bet that takes a lot of “Z’s”!
“What happened to the ice-cream thought?”
It disappeared someplace in the Republic of the Congo.

Democratic ramblings from a mind that hopes for distraction.
Republican hopes for a distraction that minds for a rambling.
Nobody actually has any idea why.
So why believe in my analysis?
“I don’t.”
*Sigh*

I just want a simple answer: yes or no.
Is there anyone besides me I can blame… or you can blame… or anyone can blame?
I mean, let’s get some proof!
Let’s find someone positively insane:
Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Dr. Dre, doctors who believe in the sagacity of prefixes.
Zaire.
“What did you call me?”
A country in Africa. (Well, a former country in Africa. It’s really the same thing as the Congo. But maybe it counts. Maybe not. Who knows? Don’t worry—nobody’s gonna read this far.)
“That’s over.”
Who said we should stop?
“The Gods of cool.”
Oh, those guys rule.

Two examples:
1) Guy walks into a bar.
2) Guy writes atonal love song about walking into a bar— avoids bumping head.
(There is no third guy, because the third guy is busy making money from something and impressing people with his nonchalance towards anything having to do with walking, bumping, or atonal love songs. He does not participate under any circumstance. His name is probably awesome. He plays the 12 string guitar.)

Scribble scrabble goes the thought,
Sitting in a tumor of deleterious grief.
“Money”, “Punny”, “Power”, “Sucks”.
Zambia, Zimbabwe, Zaire (or the Congo, or… mom, thanks for reading this far. Happy New Year!).

Satchmo visits Receiving Me?

Bernard Bygott — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 17:58:48 +0000

Whom better to visit a dead magazine/blog than everyone’s favorite dearly departed jazzman, Louis Armstrong? Nobody.

(For those of you interested in the real story behind this recording: This is a karaoke track of Stevie Wonder’s version of “The Christmas Song”, written by Mel Torme, made famous by Nat King Cole. Did you follow any of that??? Anyway, I recorded it with my broken five dollar microphone and a laptop that has a penchant for overheating. And, of course, that really is Louis Armstrong singing… umm… yeah… really… it is!!!)

Satchmo visits Receiving Me?

“Diff’rent Strokes” with Bernard Bygott

Bernard Bygott — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:32:44 +0000

MEMORIES ANYONE?

Sing Along:
Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he’s a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.

But they got, Diff’rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff’rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

Everybody’s got a special kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shine,
It don’t matter that you got not a lot
So what,
They’ll have theirs, and you’ll have yours, and I’ll have mine.
And together we’ll be fine….

…Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.
Yes it does.
It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

Tribute to Pates Baroni, Fallen Comrade

Bernard Bygott — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 19:19:23 +0000

Many writers have passed through the RM? pages, never to come back. Few will be missed as much as our dearly departed friend, Pates Baroni. Pates, whose name you are no-doubt mispronouncing (it’s actually two syllables: Pot-Tays), was a gift to all mankind… and… well.. the rest is silence…

Tribute to Pates Baroni, Fallen Comrade

If the video is stuttering or not loading fast enough, try the crappier Youtube version: Here

Subjects Unknown: Part 2 (recorded aprox. 150 B.C.)

Bernard Bygott — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 01:42:04 +0000

A long, long time ago in a galaxy where people put content on this blog, Co-Founders, Bernard Bygott and Leslie Fox, recorded stuff with no preparation at all. Part of that session was posted on this blogazine– who can forget the extremely creative title “Subjects Unknown: Part 1“? Shortly thereafter, all RM? contributors went on vacation, promising never to come back. One can only assume that Part 1 really was that bad. Here’s part 2!

Subjects Unknown: Part 2 (recorded aprox. 150 B.C.)
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Subjects Unknown: Part 1

Bernard Bygott — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:15:39 +0000

What happens when Leslie and Bernard don’t tell each other what they plan to podcast about? Listen to part 1 and find out…

Oh yes, and now I type other words here so that the layout looks okay, and you excuse me because who else do you know that spends this much time entertaining you for free. Sometimes you get what you pay for!!!

Subjects Unknown: Part 1
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RM? Pods the TV Murder Genius

Bernard Bygott — Thu, 14 May 2009 20:35:26 +0000

“Eargasms” hosts, Bernard Bygott and Leslie Fox, are proud to present semi-organized banter on the phenomenon of the TV murder genius. Other words may eventually go here expressing more relevant points on the topic, but exhaustion has set in, and this writer needs a shower. If you like what you hear, subscribe, tell your friends, and send rations. Better yet, if you have a topic you’d like us to cover, suggest it below (along with the usual insults, spam, and sexual innuendo, please!).

RM? Pods the TV Murder Genius

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Jar Jar in New Trek?

Bernard Bygott — Thu, 14 May 2009 04:40:43 +0000

In an unprecedented stunt that some believe may have originated from George Lucas’s Skywalker Ranch, Jar-Jar Binks has been digitally inserted into several theatrical releases of the newest Star Trek film. In these altered cuts, Jar-Jar, the controversial character from Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, appears in numerous shots “being annoying,” “insulting intelligence,” and “killing childhood.” His out of place appearances in the film have managed to upset a broad demographic of viewers known technically as “Everyone”. Even the three or so fans of the Jar-Jar character have lodged a complaint on his fan-site www.thereisnowaythissiteexists.com claiming that Jar-Jar’s scenes “don’t allow him enough onscreen time to be as annoying as he can obviously be.”

True-blue Trekies are taking the news hardest of all; adding to their woes, a press release was issued this morning confirming that Jar Jar shows up in exactly the same moments William Shatner was originally slated to appear in the film.

RM? was unable to reach director, J.J. Abrams, or anybody else who can contradict this story for comment.

Tech Rehearsal

Bernard Bygott — Wed, 13 May 2009 00:46:26 +0000

Dear “Eargasms” listeners,

A long, long time ago, RM? co-founders, Leslie Fox and Bernard Bygott, tried to record a podcast chronicling the USA TV show “Burn Notice”. It was a complete disaster. Our previous podcasts were recorded in a professional studio, but the “Burn Notice” session was our first attempt to accomplish repartee in a non-studio environment (Leslie’s parents’ living room). We sucked. Smart men would have given up. We aint them… Instead, after months of lonely, tear-filled alcoholic binges, we decided to endeavor once more into the podmosphere, only with the added obstacle of being in completely different cities… we hope our motto “worser is the new betterer” proves true.

We invite you to listen to the first technical rehearsal for RM?’s newly fashioned Eargasms. It sounds pretty crappy, but we’d appreciate it if you’d pretend it doesn’t. (All Eargasm episodes sound better when you do, we promise!) Also, maybe we’ll improve from a technical and “content” standpoint… but probably not. Either way, subscribe, because we need validation, and you need to use the internet for more than porn. [Editor's Note: I'm begrudgingly allowing the "more than porn" comment despite the obvious oxymoron.]

Tech Rehearsal

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